I Love GO AWAY EDWARD!
by Trouble.With.Words
Summary: Bella's the queen of the school, all the boys want her, Edward espically,but they have to get in line because bella has her eyes set on a differnet Cullen. a twist on what could have happened, R
1. Edwin, right?

I Love......GO AWAY EDWARD!

This is set when Edward gets back from Alaska and decides to talk to Bella.

Chapter 1: Great, a stalker

"Hello" came a voice from behind her, and then the person who spoke sat down beside her.

"Hey" Said Bella, turning back to her desk.

"You're Bella Sawn, right?" He asked but she knew she was big news and if he didn't know her, he wasn't worth her time.

"Yeah....and your Edwin, right?" she said uninterested, it took every bone in her body to sit there, he was seriously annoying, she liked it better when he didn't talk at all.

"Edward, actually" He corrected politely.

"....yeah" and she turned away, just as the science teacher walked in the door and momentarily saved her from her new found annoyance of a science partner.

*********

After school that day, Charlie, to Bella's annoyance, booked Bella an appointment. Bella was going to make a run for it but that was before she saw her Doctor.

"Hey Dad!" asked Bella.

"Yeah, Bells" He asked absently, while filling out documents the nurse had given him.

"Will hebe my doctor?" she asked, as she crossed her fingers behind her back.

"Who, Carlisle?" He asked looking up from the paperwork, to where Bella was looking.

"Yeah" She said breathlessly, because Bella knew she had found her future husband.

"I suppose so" was all he said before turning back to paper work.

*********

Later again that evening Bella was on the phone with Jessica, while Edward was at home, trying to pluck up the courage to ring Bella.

"You like Carlisle Cullen, Like....THE Carlisle Cullen!" asked Jessica, well it sounded more stated than anything else.

"Well can you blame me, I mean have you seen him?" explain Bella, if that was a perfectly good explanation.

"I suppose you're right but he's married" Trying to back up her friends impossible mission.

"Well...I suppose that could be a problem but I think it can be dealt with easily enough" said Bella convincingly.

"You think! But what are you going to do about it?" Jessica asked curiously.

"You mean what are _we_ going to do about it, well I'm not sure yet, I have to find a way to talk to him, like not patient to doctor" said Bella, clearly thinking.

"Well I'm not sure on the 'we' part but I'll tag along but-"

"Hang on Jess, I've got someone on the other line, can you hang on a minute?"

"Sure" Sure said Jessica waiting patiently; she didn't mind really, she needed something to pass the time. Currently Jessica was dressed head to toe in black, and was hiding in her car outside Mike Newton's house. After she heard a rumour he had a date tonight. Bella switched over to the other line.

"Hello?" Bella asked friendlily.

"Hey Bella, it's me!" Said Edward happily, he was proud of himself for getting the courage to ring Bella.

.......

"Oh sorry, it's Edward"

......

"Edward Cullen"

......

"Lab partner, Carlisle son-"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh right, sorry.....forgot, anyway what do you want and don't want to be rude or anything but how did you get my number?"

"Well...Jessica gave me your number" Bella made a personal note to kill Jessica after this phone call, well after she helped her first with Carlisle. "And I wanted to make sure you were safe, Bella" said Edward. At that moment Bella wanted to check the window, to see if he was outside, but thought better of it, she didn't know how stable this guy was.

"I'm fine.....why shouldn't I be?" Bella was getting freaked out but felt she had to ask, she was in a far distance to the phone or if he got in, she could probley make it to the kitchen and get a very sharp object.

"No reason...I care about you Bella" Said Edward intensely.

".....That's nice, well sorry Edward but I Have to go, you know, homework and all.....bye" and before he could answer, Bella hung up and got Jessica back on the line.

"Who was that?" asked Jessica.

"Edward Cullen" said Bella irritably.

"Wooooow, EDWARD CULLEN, I'd love to be you Bella"

Said Jessica enviously.

"Yeah well-' Bella broke off because she had found a way to get to Carlisle, through his son, what luck, she thought but inwardly sighed, more time with creepy guy.

"Anyway Bella, can I call you back, I Just saw Mike get into his car, I got to follow him...bye" and she hung up abruptly. Leaving Bella to plot her future happiness.

Hiya, yeah me again, but I always wondered, what if Bella was a Bitch but Edward being Edward loved her anyway, and I love Carlisle so yeah. This story is dedicated to my good friend Emz, she's not on Fanfiction but she's a great writer. Also, Edward wouldn't be the only one trying to get Bella, so stay tuned xoxo Chapter 2 is ready and bear in mind Bella will get worse as the story continues, p.s this is more of a comedy than a love story so don't bet on a happy ending! Please review people and tell me what you think, okay? See you later xoxo


	2. Operation steal married man

Hiya, for anyone who review (Thanks MissJessica92) or read, here's chapter 2, Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Operation steal married man

After Bella had her team assembled, all of them wearing (on Bella's demand, an army green t-shirt, khaki trousers and black boots and Dark Green caps) there "uniforms", Bella ordered them into her sitting room. They had about seven hours since Charlie was fishing with Billy. Her Team consisted of Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, Mike, Jacub, Erik, Angela and Seth. Bella had replaced all the furniture with her "equipment" for her mission. At the top of the room was a big Black board and a few feet away where eight chairs. Bella told them all to take a seat, while she walked up to the board and stood beside it.

"Well, people we know our objective" and she turned around and drew a first aid cross "Get Dr. Cullen". She turned around and said "Well we need to come up with a plan people!" she added determinedly, she would have to work with what she got.

"Bella...sir?" Seth asked uneasily, he didn't know Bella and as far as first impressions went, she was a bit crazy. "It's he married?"

"....Yes, you have a point, well she'll just have to go, there's no way around it" she added heavily, love is never easy. Bella drew a stick woman and put a big x through her. "How do you suppose we do that" Bella asked her team.

"Well there's getting rid of her and there's getting rid of her permently" asked Tyler.

"Good point, Tyler....I'm really not bothered with either to be honest" She shrugged.

"Well my Dad had to make someone 'disappear' a couple of years ago, I could probley get his number the guys number" Said Tyler suggestively.

"Well...It's a plan, okay i want you to call him, but lets not give our hopes up guys, in case our budget might not cut it, so call me tonight to see how things go" said Bella thoughtfully, _I could always use some of my college fund....._

"Okay Boss" Said Tyler, and he got up and left the room.

"Okay, we meet up at school, to talk things through, 0 8 hundred hours" said Bella determinedly.

"Bella?" asked Jessica, in her typically annoying American accent.

"Yeah!" Asked Bella irritably.

"What's 0 hundred hour thing?" Said Jessica annoyingly.

Bella sighed "Just meet me in front of the school Jessica" and with that the team dispersed.

******************

At 11 o clock Bella received a call from Tyler.

"Hey how'd it go?" asked Bella eagerly.

"Apparently he's a family friend so I'll get it done for a real bargain" he said, sounding very proud of himself.

"When will he do it?"

"Well...i hope you don't mind but I already sent him to do it" He said nervously, Bella had got very crazy over the past couple of weeks, and it was not a good idea to annoy her.

"Really...PERFECT" said Bella happily.

"Yeah by this time tomorrow, Mama Cullen will be permently dealt with"

"Thanks Tyler"

"Don't sweat it, it's the least i can do for nearly killing you with my car" He said guiltily.

"Yeah I guess so, well i have to go but see ya tomorrow"

"Bye Bella and don't forget to look surprised" with that Tyler hung up. The last thing on Bella's mind before she drifted to sleep was, if she wore black would that be too much of a give away.

********************

Bella walked happily to school while thinking of her back up plan. Just in case Tyler's 'family friend' missed the target, so she would (unfortunately) have to get close to Edward to get to Carlisle. So she walked (Jessica had borrowed Bella's car going home and wouldn't you know it, she crashed it. All Bella knew(and all she wanted to know) was it involved her seeing Mike talking to some girl, her taking her eyes off the road to watch and a SUV that couldn't dodge her. That was also Bella's other option. Play the caring friend and sneak into the hospital. At lest Bella's car wasn't destroyed for no reason and besides she wanted a new one, that one was a piece of crap. So she had options). Bella had reached the school and was now practising her "I'm so sorry Edward" or "I can't imagine what your going through" etc, etc. She saw Edward getting out of his car and he looked relatively sad, so she took a breath and put on her most caring face that she could manage, and walked over to him.

"Edward I'm-"

"Bella, Hey what's up?" said Edward totally out of his sad persona.

"I can't imagine what you're going through" She said in mock sadness.

"Going through what, adolescence, I think were all in the same boat on that matter Bella" He said jokingly but he was curious as to what she meant, unless she was serious, then he would have to get Carlisle to check on her, she obviously must have hit her head harder than they thought.

"No about Esme..." Said Bella confused, unless he was truly happy to see his mother dead, now that would have been very weird, even for him.

"Esme's fine, Bella" said Edward suspiciously and a bit defensively.

"But I heard-"Began Bella.

"How did you...Never mind but don't worry she's fine" and he walked away leaving an open mouthed Bella standing beside a very shiny Volvo. Bella took a breath and tried not to lose it and begin smashing the stalkers shiny Volvo. Bella walked to the school doors and opened them and then she realised she was late but the teachers loved her and she never got in trouble since her dad was chief of police. She walked up to her classroom door and began muttering a string of curses, apparently about a certain "Shiny Volvo owner" before turning the handle and walking in. She stopped dead when she remembered Tyler was in this class and looking around for him while taking a seat. Tyler was not a religious guy but he managed to say a small prayer before Bella found him, he nervously gulped. Bella, in that moment, was the prime example of 'If looks could kill'. She smiled sweetly at him but the look in her eyes was more along the lines of _You better have a explanation....You are so dead....Don't even think about running away and I ask you to do one thing and you cant even do that right._ Tyler and Bella had a lot to talk about it and only one class together to do it.

A/N: Hey, so what you think? I wasn't really happy with this chapter, but I decided to put it up anyway. I have Chapter 3 half done, just finshing off the ending, struggling with it, but I'm trying. If you have any questions, suggestions, comments or death threats, leave a review and I'll answer it all in the next chapter. Might be a while getting back, without internet access its hard to update but I'll do my best, R+R, please xoxo


	3. Never send a boy to do a woman's job!

Hiya, thanks to everyone who reviewed or just read this Fic, I really enjoy writing this, so to know that people actually like it to is mad! Anyway before I get soppy here's chappie 3....Enjoy! XoxoAlso,Again i also dedicate this story to Emz( i love you man!!!lol), who should really join, but anyway,i'm going off topic, hope you guys like it xoxo

Chapter 3: Never send a boy to do a woman's job.

Bella was very angry leaving there class, words could not justify her anger, were Tyler was... well Tyler looked fit to drop, and his eyes were bulging out of his head, while his friends helped him out of the room. All she had asked him to do was hire a competent hitman and pay him accordingly, but alas, he had failed the simply task. Bella had now come to the conclusion if she wanted anything done, and done right, she would have to take matters into her own hands.

During lunchtime, Bella looked over at the Cullen table, that was situated as far as possible from the other students, and for good reason, they were all freaks (except for Carlisle of course). Bella plucked up all her courage, took a deep breath, flattened her hair and admired herself in nearby cutlery, before walking over to the Cullen table. At this stage, the entire cafeteria was watching Bella walk, slowly and directly to the Cullen table. Edward was among those who were watching, and was on the verge of fainting in shock, only not doing so because Emmett was sitting directly behind him, supporting his weight. Emmett leaned forward and whispered, a smirk in his voice and loud enough for Edward to hear,

"You really know how to pick' em man".

Bella stopped just in front of Edward. She put one hand on her hip, and used the other to flick back her hair, with an effortless smile on her face, she said, "Hey".

Edward had momentarily shut down, before Emmett elbowed him in encouragement to speak.

"Hey!...Bella?" said Edward, half ecstatic and half shocked at the same time. Bella was about to respond, when Rosalie spoke up,

"What are you doing here!?!" She said in a tone that made Edward shiver. Bella, however, was unfazed, and merely smiled in an almost menacing but sweet way,

"I'm sorry who are you? And anyway, I was talking to Edward".

Rosalie raised an eyebrow and literally had to be held back and dragged outside by Emmett, before she hurt somebody (preferably Bella). Bella watched Rosalie be 'escorted' out of the cafeteria by Emmett, before turning her attention back to Edward.

"You want to go to the movies or something, tonight?" She said happily.

Edward was currently going through cardiac arrest, before Alice mentally told him,

"_Edward, get a grip!!! Say that'd be great"_.

Edward snapped back to reality, and repeated her words,  
"That'd be great"

Bella was still smiling sweetly as she said "Is 8, okay"

"Yeah, 8 is fine".

Bella turned around and let the sweet act go, before looking over her shoulder seductively, saying in an almost whisper "Edward...don't be late". Edward nearly fell off his seat, only supporting himself by grabbing the table, which was now crumpling in his hand. Bella turned around and walked out of the cafeteria with a smile on her face, thinking only one thing, "_She shoots, she scores!"_

A/N: Well what do you think and be brutally honest, but...isn't Bella evil! but yeah next chapter is Bella and Edward's first date*evil smile*.Review people! Because as always your reviews mean a lot and weather negative or positive, there always helpful and great encouragement. Reviews= xoxo


	4. THE DATE Pt 1

**Hey, I haven't updated this in ages, sorry, but i intend to make up for it, with this 2 part(or 4 part i haven't decided fully yet) chapters called THE Date...OMFG, and there will be more embarrassing moments in the life of Edward and Bella, and of course more bitchiness and more awkward moments*evil smile*. Okay please review, there so helpful and also great motivation for finishing the story faster, plus i need to know if people like the story but even for reading it I'm like really grateful, and also thanks to anyone who reviewed and is still sticking around and supporting this fic, epically .xoxo'twilight'xxoxo. , who has been majorly supportive, so thanks:)****, Anyway, I better shut up and get on with the story, here goes nothing....**

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THE Date...OMFG Pt 1

A_t Bella's......._

Bella was sitting at a dressing table, admiring herself in the mirror, as usual. As a flustered Angela and Jessica did Bella's hair. Angela, with the hair spray and Jessica, with the hair straighter. Lauran, was kneeling giving Bella a pedicure, while Seth (poor guy, he had been dragged into it involuntarily) was giving Bella a manicure...well trying too anyway.

"Jesus, are you a complete Moran!" Bella shouted at him, while looking down at her hand. Seth didn't know what exactly a manicure was but to be on the safe side he just painted the tops of Bella's fingers. He thought she could just...peel of the bits she didn't need.

"You paint the nail! Not the whole finger...UHHHH, just....go or something" She flinched her hand back from his grip. As Seth slouched out of the room. Jacub was outside, kneeling outside the door, he saw Seth come out and fell back.

"What-?" Seth began but Jacub got quickly back on his knees and pushed Seth away, he went flying to the ground. Seth sat back up and saw Jacub spying through the keyhole. He looked back at Seth with a sympathetic smile.

"Sorry Seth but you were in the way...."

"Can I look?" Seth asked curiously.  
"No YOU cannot...you little perv" He harshly whispered, turning back to the door.

"I'm a little perv..., what the hell are you then?"

Jessica was struggling with Bella's straighter...but she was absolutely sure the smoke coming from Bella's head was NOT a good sigh. The room was filling in a foggy haze, VERY quickly. Jessica, Angela and Lauren both had fearful looks on their faces.

"Guys...is it just me or do you smell smoke?" said Bella smelling the air, she sounded more annoyed than curious. As all three girls looked angrily at the straighter which would be the cause of their untimely death at the hands of an angry teenage socialite.

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_At Edwards......_

"Alice.....GET OFF!" said Edward squirming out of her grasp as she put a black shirt on him. "It's the 8 shirt we tried on...does it really matter what i wear!" Alice suddenly stopped what she was doing and stepped back from her brother. "What?......" .

Alice shuck her head in annoyance, and grabbed Edward's shirt tightly, fasting the buttons with a new found anger.

"Image is everything Edward....and no brother of mine is going to forget that...._right!"_ Although she smiled sweetly while saying it, Edward knew it was a threat and the question was rhetorical.

Emmett had come to the door now and was leaning against the frame. Jasper was standing slightly behind him.

"I suppose Edward thought he'd be gorgeous in anything he'd wear" said Emmett with a smirk. Jasper chuckled softly, coming over to Alice and wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into a hug.

"Come on Em" said Jasper, looking at Edward with a smirk, "We both know Alice could make anyone look good....even Edward".

"Uh huh" said Edward with a glare aimed at basically everyone in the room. Just then Esme knocked on the door. All heads turned to see her.

"Ohhhh, Edward sweetie" Esme ran into the room and picked up Edward into a bear hug, "you look so handsome".

"Mom....I can't....breathe!..." said Edward looking at Alice desperately. Alice shrugged slightly grabbing Jasper by the hand and leaving the room. Emmett walked into the room now and took Edward's car keys off his table,

"Look, man you can borrow Rose's car ok, a shiny Volvo is just gay...?" He dropped Rosalie's car keys on the table and walked to the door. As he got to the door he turned and said "Can't say I don't help you out and all...i do care bro" he winked and left the room. Esme still had a steel grip on Edward.

"Esme...put the poor boy down" came Carlisle's calm voice. Esme put down Edward, with a proud glint in her eyes before leaving the room. Carlisle and Edward both watched her go. Carlisle put a hand on Edward's shoulder, shaking his head slightly with a small smile on his face,

"You have to give her a break Edward this is your first date and well..." He looked towards the door "...well she is a mother, what can i say".

"Bella's really special to me....I think she's the one" He said looking at Carlisle seriously. Carlisle ran a hand through his hair,

"Look, son....keep your mind open okay?" He said softly. Edward looked taken aback,

"What do you mean?"

"Look I'm just saying that maybe there's more than Bella Swan" he said with a hard voice.

"But Bella's the only one...okay, I'm going" He said with a tight voice before walking to the door.

"Edward?" said Carlisle tentivly, Edward stopped with his hand on the door, "look I'm sorry, if you're really like Bella that much I'll support you, I just want the best for you...good luck". Edward turned around and smiled slightly,

"I know...listen I better be going or I'll be late picking up Bella...thanks Dad" and he left the room, walking down the stairs and muttered "I'll need it". He dodged an over-whelmed mother being held back by Emmett and Jasper. Rosalie came up to Edward and gave him a hug, shocked everyone froze and stopped what they were doing.

"Rose-"said Edward patting her lightly on the back,

"Go luck Edward..." she said, then leaning in closer to whisper in his ear, "and if you break my car I'll break your face!" She pulled back with a smile and stood beside Alice. Edward gulped and walked slowly out the door. When he got to the car, he opened the door and stepped inside, praying to god he wouldn't screw this night up. This night, played right would be the most important night of his life. Then putting the keys in the ignition, he heard the dreaded sound of the car not starting.

"Shit!" It wasn't off to a flying start then.

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**A/N: So i hope you like the first instalment, hopefully I'll update soon. If you can spare the time please leave a review for little old me and thanks for reading - x**


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